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PLEASE READ AND UNDERSTAND THE INFORMATION BELOW BEFORE CLICKING THE EMAIL LINK AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE AND SENDING ME SPAM EMAILS.

(1)
To anyone who likes sending spam to the email addresses that folks leave on thier websites,
this one is here for the sole reason that genuine folks may want to use it they want to contact me with a genuine question or comment about this site and it's contents.
Ergo it is not for use by morons like you who seem to think that everyone is stupid enough to fall for the complete shit that you send out.
If you want to make contact with an idiot, go look in a mirror and start talking.
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(2)
I would also like to say I am not in need of any business oppourtunities nor am I interested in stocks and shares or any finacial advice/tips in any way shape or form.
Plus you can keep ANY kind of promotional email/business/search engine/how's my site ranking/anything else shit to youself sunbeam. Not interested. Comprende bollock brain?.
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(2a)
I may well be interested in getting mail from you if you are a near identical Kate Beckinsale lookalike,
female,
available,
no children,
a decent human being and in the UK but the chances of that are more remote than winning the lottery so I won't hold my breath.
Incidentally, if you are a near identical Kate Beckinsale lookalike,
female,
available,
no children,
a decent human being and in the UK and are reading this,
I am MOST CERTAINLY NOT young/rich/powerful/handsome. I'm over the 50 year old mark now and fast becoming a crusty,
foul tempered old bastard with no time for bullshit.
That said, still got me own hair and most of me own teeth,
worldwise and have nothing to offer but my honesty,
devotion and absolute fidelity so if that's not your thing, don't bother.
(send pic, name, address and telephone number please, or only a pic if you must to the email on my main page)
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(2b)
Just incase you aren't certain on section 2a then click here and follow instructions
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(3)
I am not unemployed nor am I employed with a wish to make more money.
I don't bloody care if it's free or even if your going to pay me for signing up to whatever half-arsed con job you have going.
I was born at night but it wasn't bloody last night.
Am I making myself abundantly clear enough for you?
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(4)
I do have a credit card (singular) but you'll never know what it is coz I ain't bloody telling you...
Fucking ever...so don't even bother asking.
Aside from which it's usually maxed out as i've been buying decent gear that I actually have a use for and no,
that does not include getting viagra in any form off the internet or any other cheap and dodgy pharmaceuticals as I am in no need of any chemical based assistance to get my john thomas to stand to attention.
Thanks for your concern.
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(5)
I don't have a bank account that i'm ever,
in this or any other bloody lifetime going to tell you about so stop asking me for personal details to accounts I don't have with banks I have no soddin' association with in the first place.
It's pointless sending me American business news and finance tips as i'm not in America and I have absolutely NO interest in this kinda crap anyway.
The financial markets are in enough of a state anyway without needing me to add to them, ok?

I know I already mentioned something like this in section 2 but I thought i'd repeat myself as it's very likely you weren't paying attention the first time.
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(6)
Any such spam mail I get could well find itself being just deleted or if your really unlucky, replied to (if I can be bothered) by a less than polite response and maybe some choice and unsavoury attachments if i'm feeling in a particularly foul mood. If you think for one moment that I give a flying fuck about any consequeces of doing so, maybe slightly but I may well make an exception in your case fuck features.
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(7)
If you really feel you have to send me spam then think on this...I might just feel inclined to invest as much time as is necessary to discover your true identity and location,
then book a few days holiday so I can go after you and kill you in as slow and grisly fashion as my imagination can conjour up.

Trust me I have a VERY good imagination,
more than sufficient military training and more patience than most to do the job right in removing your worthless hide from this existance
for the sole purpose of my amusment and to remove the unfair burden on the earths gravity and populace that you are.
Doubtless to the extreme delight of the majority of users out there in the world who do have a life, unlike yourself.

If it will make you feel any better though, after I tear your head off, suck out your spinal cord and shit down your neck, I do have a rather good bottle of 15 year old scotch that I will drink as if it is your own blood and celebrate your demise.
If that thought don't make you feel any better, tough shit.
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(8)
I know shit mail and virus/worm/trojan/script/malware attachments when I see them so save yourself the time, go get a life and do something more productive and profitable with your skills my geek friend.
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(9)
If any of the above statements mean nothing to you or you do not understand the full intent of any of the meanings therein, I have just two small questions
1. You do know something of the bloody English language don't you?

And if you do then the second question is...

2. What is your major fucking malfunction numb nuts?
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(10)
Have a nice day
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(11)
EMAIL

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